The gift of forGIVEness

The Choice of Forgiveness: A Gift of Freedom

There is a famous quote by Christopher Bullock that says, “Tis impossible to be sure of any thing but Death and Taxes”. I would add that you can also be sure that in life you will be hurt and wronged. Someone will steal from you, betray you, deceive you and the list goes on. If those things are sure, then you can also be assured that in life you will be faced with a choice to forgive or not forgive.

Forgiveness is not a feeling. It’s not just a moment. It’s a choice. A difficult choice and one we make over and over again. Just like bitterness and resentment, forgiveness is something we choose. And the reality is, one choice leads to freedom, while the other holds us in invisible chains. You didn’t miss it right? Yes, over and over again. Forgiveness, is not just one and done. To eventually be free from the hurt and pain, we must choose to forgive every time the hurt and memory of the situation re-surfaces. In those honest moments, where we want revenge and want to take matters into our own hands, is the painful time to choose to forgive, again.

Let’s be clear about the power of that choice. YOUR choice.

When we forgive, we are releasing the hold a person or situation has over us. It’s not about excusing what happened. It’s not pretending the pain didn’t occur. It’s simply acknowledging: “I am done letting this control me.” Forgiveness is setting that person free—and in doing so, we set ourselves free too.

Have you ever hurt or wronged someone? Of course. We all have and also have been forgiven by those we hurt. It is so easy to forget that we have been forgiven many times over and many times didn’t deserve it or earn it. When we begin to grasp that grace, we are empowered to extend it. Free people love well. Forgiven people forgive.

Now, you don’t have to choose forgiveness. No one would blame you for choosing bitterness and resentment and that would be the logical choice. That choice eats away at us. It’s exhausting. Bitterness and resentment rob us of joy and slowly kills us from the inside out. Holding onto unforgiveness is like drinking poison and expecting someone else to die.

Let’s be real: Forgiveness doesn’t magically fix everything. It doesn’t mean what happened was okay. But it does mean you’re choosing healing over hate. It means you’re giving yourself the gift of peace instead of continued pain.

The frightening part about having to forgive hurts, trauma and the wrongs we have encountered is this. Many times, the offender is either not aware, doesn’t understand the severity or has simply moved on from the situation, leaving us holding a bag of pain. We choose to hold on to that pain hoping that it will somehow get the attention, hurt them or payback the other offender who is oblivious to what we are dealing with. Remember that quote about poison? My point exactly.

Years ago, my family and I were severely hurt, accused and wrongfully terminated from a job we dearly loved. It caused incredible hurt, pain and confusion for hundreds of people. It was a mess. In the pain of unforgiveness it felt good to wish evil upon our “villains”. The words of others who sided with us appeared to be consoling. The schemes and plans of payback seemed justified.

However, it didn’t take long to realize all of that made things only much worse. Those who were in our camp, soon moved on to the normal routines of life, while we sat with our bag of pain with less peace, hope and more anger and fear. I wish I could go back and tell myself it is best to forgive, even when you don’t know how or have the words. I wish I would have said take the first step to forgiveness even if you don’t feel like it. That situation made me realize this:

Forgiveness is a gift, not a reward. No strings attached. No one has to earn it.

So how do we know we’re walking in true forgiveness?

-We make a conscious choice to forgive every time the pain and memory arises

- When we can think of that person or situation without flinching.

- When we can think of and wish them the best.

That’s freedom. That’s healing.

I love great gifts, don’t you? Give yourself the gift of forgiveness. Go ahead, un-wrap it. I promise you will like the freedom you find inside.

Forgive. Let go. Live free.